I just hit the one year mark of being a SAHM! If I’m being honest, it’s been one of the toughest years of my life. This whole SAHM gig is not for the faint of heart. There were two reasons why I think it was fairly challenging for me.
The first is that I started staying home right before our second baby, Gracelyn, was born. While the few weeks I had alone with Myles before her birth were great, it was still a pretty significant change to juggle a newborn and a twenty-one-month old by myself. Thank goodness for close-by grandparents that first couple of weeks!
Secondly, I started staying home during the longest winter ever. It was not great, and with postpartum hormones raging, I wasn’t myself. I didn’t get full-on PPD, but I do think with all the changes at one time, I definitely had some extended baby blues and anxiety.
Now that we’re in it a full year and we’ve all adjusted and both kiddos are bigger, I think I’ve gotten things pretty well figured out. Although I say that now, there will surely be a developmental leap or regression of some sort that will throw a curve in things soon. Regardless, I’ve got a couple of tips for you that I’ve noticed have had a significant positive effect on our days. Please take a look!
Tip 1 – Mom Needs a Routine, Too
The first tip is to get yourself a routine, too. I was great at getting the kids into a routine and following it very consistently. But, I was constantly left feeling undone and unprepared for the day myself. It was because I hadn’t prioritized myself and my routine into our daily lives. I wake up in my workspace now, so it’s been hard to re-wire my brain to realize I still need to “get ready for work” each morning.
When I get my rear out of bed in the mornings and get to the gym (this does not happen every day, but I aim for 3-5 times per week), my day is already a step ahead and 95% of the time we wind up having a great and productive day. There is always a nice balance of getting chores done and spending quality time with my kiddos. It’s nice!
Those are the days that I strive to repeat the most often because they are just plain good! You can read about my workout routine and why it helps me so much since becoming a SAHM here (hint: it’s about so much more than moving my body!).
If you need a jumping-off point for a daily schedule or routine for you and your little one/s, you can read my blog post on that here!
Tip 2 – Turn the TV OFF
My second tip is to start every day quietly. For us, this means no TV. None. I’m now in the habit of not turning the TV on first thing in the morning. I’ve been so surprised at the results. Myles enjoys watching PBS shows and drinking some milk on the couch in the mornings while we’re getting around. But, he’d just become a zombie sitting there.
Once I started leaving the TV turned off, at least for the first few hours in the morning, I noticed some great changes. We are way more productive and actually get ready for the day right away in the morning. Myles isn’t as whiny (this is huge!) and he listens so much better throughout the day! He is also getting a ton better about playing without me prompting him. He’ll just start playing on his own. It’s really wild to see the shift in behavior and attitude.
Now, it’s important to note that this didn’t come without days of asking and whining to watch TV in the mornings. After a few days, it’ll be the new routine and the old way is easily forgotten. Until we get out of the routine of it again! haha Overall, it’s something I’m glad we’ve started implementing and helps our days run much smoother.
Tip 3 – Don’t Over-Schedule
Don’t overdo it with activities. As a very naive, rookie SAHM, I had grand plans for doing all sorts of activities with my kiddos since I’d have so much time when I stayed home. News Flash: you don’t. I honestly can’t give you a really good reason why I can’t carve out an hour or two a day to be B-A Mom and do all the things. It just doesn’t happen.
I suppose it’s because it was hard enough keeping up with myself, now I’ve got two humans who depend on me for nearly every part of their survival. So, there’s that… that’s quite time-consuming.
Anyway, my point is to encourage you to go and do things with your little ones, but don’t be afraid to turn things down either. It’s easy to get wiped out and cranky when you’re constantly on-the-go and hauling little ones everywhere. Raising kids when you spend all your time at home is already exhausting, so trying to make something grand out of every day will just burn you out a lot more quickly.
I try to focus on quality over quantity, and only allow myself 1-3 outings a week. This is a sweet spot for us. If there are seasonal events going on, I’ll try to pick a day to take part in that because it will bring us all joy. We do lots of parks, splash pads, pumpkin patches, and time outside if weather permits.
In my particular situation, for us to go out and do something typically requires a 20-30 minute drive because we live in the country. It’s more of a deal for us to go somewhere than it would be for someone who lives in a town/city with things to do a walk or a very short drive away.
At the end of the day, you do you. If going on an adventure every single day brings you and your kiddos joy, you just go right ahead and do it. But, if you feel the need to reign it in a bit, I encourage you to keep in mind quality over quantity. Only do the things that are providing joy for all of you. And certainly, don’t commit to things to keep up with the Jones’ or because you feel like it’ll put you in the “good mom” club.
You are already a good mom. You’re children really just need you – your time and love. When you ignore the false perception of a world of perfection all around us (i.e. social media), it really is just that simple. And that leads me to my next tip…
Tip 4 – Put down your device/s
As I mentioned above, your children just need you – your time and love. Like, legit time and love.
This is a quality over quantity thing, too, in my opinion. “Playing a game” with your child while you’re scrolling Instagram isn’t what I’m talking about here. Spending “all day” playing with your kid is not quality time or love when the majority of that is spent on the sidelines on your phone.
Make eye contact, give hugs, have actual conversations about things going on around you. Hold hands. Participate in the activities you’re doing. Talk about feelings (even your feelings!). Share a snack. Do a puzzle together. Cook/bake together. Dance to music. Take turns telling each other stories.
It’s easy – put your device/s down and do something (anything!) with your sweet kiddos. They are craving this and they’re telling you this in their behavior (whiny, clingy, acting out, doing something naughty just to get your attention). You’ll notice a change in behavior when you actually pay attention to your child (ask me how I know!) and dedicate time to really be with them.
It took me a bit to catch on to this in the early days of being home. I now make a very conscious effort to put my phone down, leave it in another room, etc. so that I can focus and really be with the kids each day. It’s hard, you guys. I get it. When I’m frustrated because I can’t do what I want to do, I always ask myself, “What’s the priority here? What’s my actual job?”
Scrolling aimlessly isn’t it. This blog isn’t it. Scrolling for deals and steals isn’t it. Watching stories on Instagram isn’t it.
Raising my children is it. Once I recall this, then I’m able to snap back into my role as Mom pretty smoothly.
Tip 5 – Get Outside
Aim to get outside every day. I am trying so hard to make this happen for us. It’s difficult when you have one mobile and independent child and one that is just on the verge of mobility. But, we all behave better (myself included) if we go outside for a bit. Sometimes this is literally only getting into the car to go run an errand. And sometimes this turns into hours just being outside and taking it all in, in our own backyard.
Free play is so, so good for kids. It’s even better when it’s outside in nature. Let them roam. Let them explore. Don’t hover. Don’t give instructions. Just get them outside and watch their little minds work and play. I/We lean more to the “free-range” parenting style. Myles is free to roam about our backyard with little restriction when we’re outside. He loves it!
When Gracelyn is bigger, they’ll be able to explore together and get into all sorts of good fun! Some of the fondest memories of my childhood are out in the timber/pasture building forts and playing pretend. I want that for my children, too.
Okay, that does it! Those are my tips for nailing SAHM life. What is one tip you’d give a new SAHM? When you think of your childhood, what are your fondest memories? What did that look like for you? Let me know in the comments!
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