MY JOURNEY, AS A MOTHER OF TWO, feeding MY CHILDREN WITH BREASTMILK AND *GASP* FORMULA
Ah, breastmilk vs. formula: the great debate. It’s become a hot topic within the parenthood community in our society. When you really think about it, it’s just kind of silly.
Before I get too into the nitty-gritty, I’d just like to say that I am in no way an expert. I’ve done a fair bit of research and reading on the topic in my time as a mother so far. This is my perspective and experience with both perfectly good options to feed your infant. Please reach out to your trusted healthcare professionals for recommendations based on your specific situation.
Our feeding journey – baby 1
It wasn’t too long ago that I was just beginning my journey as a mother. And, like many new moms, I was eager and hopeful that I’d have a successful breastfeeding journey. Then, my first-born came four weeks early. We weren’t quite prepared, to say the least.
Although he was quite healthy coming out of the gate (so to speak), the first few weeks were a big adjustment for us. I breastfed in the hospital, called on the lactation consultants many times to get questions answered, etc. I would consider myself to have been pretty dedicated to breastfeeding at that point. I’d read many articles and Ina May’s “Guide to Breastfeeding” book, so I felt fairly good about my knowledge-base going into the whole ordeal.
But then, one week in and multiple doctors’ appointments later, Myles wasn’t gaining weight and had really high-level jaundice, so we were sent back to the hospital for an entire weekend to be observed and figure out what was going on.
Supply and Demand
As you probably know, breastfeeding is a “supply and demand” type of deal, so when you’ve got a baby with high jaundice levels and is super lethargic, it’s hard to get a good start on your supply without a baby “demanding” the “supply”. We began supplementation, and I made sure to call on the lactation consultants again to make sure I was doing everything correctly from a breastfeeding standpoint.
It was a long weekend, but we got him calories and he began gaining weight. We were released and finally got to go home! I nursed and pumped and formula fed for the first eight weeks with him. And then, I’d had enough.
I was emotionally and mentally drained from trying to “do it all” and I was physically exhausted from everything we’d trudged through those first couple months. It was time to “call it a day” with breastfeeding, so I did. And we haven’t looked back since. Myles is happy and healthy, and is seriously adorable and smart as a whip! What was “best” for our family unit was to have a happy and healthy mom and baby.
our feeding journey – baby 2
I was ready and eager to try breastfeeding again with baby number two. Only this time, I had a little bit more experience behind me, and I read about ways I could increase the chances of having a more successful experience the second time around. Gracelyn was born on New Year’s Eve, five days past her due date.
We were more than prepared this time (having been waiting around for a good month thinking she may come early like her brother). I had nested more than anyone probably should, and hubby was about ready to move out. (Which is funny because this was as clean and orderly as our house had probably ever been… hell of a time to dip out if you ask me. I’d prefer to move out when I’m boob deep in laundry and dirty dishes and just about to fall over the edge of insanity – adios amigo! Anyway…)
Off to a good start, so we thought
Once again, I breastfed in the hospital, called on lactation consultants, made sure we were on a good track with things prior to heading home. I was tracking everything on my app – feedings: time and ounces, pees/poops, etc. I really wanted to get this right.
At her two-day check-in, she’d lost an entire pound since birth and was down 12.5%. Not cool. I was genuinely shocked. I thought things had been going really well with breastfeeding those first few days – I was letting baby lead, nursing on demand, feeding on both sides, etc.
The Doc requested we weigh again in 24 hours, and if she’d not gained then we’d be heading to the hospital for observation. Well, apparently my milk came in overnight because she had gained five ounces that next morning and we were sent back home! Thank goodness! I was so relieved… again, thinking we were on a good track.
at-home Lactation consultation
We had a lactation consultant come to the house when Gracelyn was two weeks old. That was really helpful, and also gave me realistic expectations about how my breastfeeding journey would likely go based on my specific circumstances.
I had a few things potentially working against me that were helpful to be aware of. Like having hypothyroidism and hemorrhaging after birth (again). There was also a bit of concern regarding my breast anatomy that could play a part in low supply, but overall I should have been able to breastfeed with the right plan and commitment. Side Note: I’d highly recommend meeting with a lactation consultant as soon after birth as possible, one-on-one. It’s worth every penny.
Breastfeeding was going much better than with Myles. It was A LOT of work. The time and commitment it took was still a bit of a shock to me. I kept at it those first eight weeks and was pumping, as well, to help with my production. Gracelyn’s weight gain was mediocre, she was gaining little by little, but was gradually falling down in percentiles.
I was paranoid about her weight gain, as I feel I should have been, and started going to an open-house style breastfeeding group once a week to do a weighed feeding and get hands-on help from a lactation consultant (again, LCs are amazing). We even had her lip and tongue tie revised at six weeks to help with some discomfort I was still dealing with while nursing.
The Last Straw
Then, we went two weeks and Gracelyn gained only three ounces one week, and just three and a half ounces the next week. She needed to be gaining 4-8oz (at least) per week. That was it. My baby needed more than I could provide, so we started supplementing and I gradually weaned off at the three-month mark.
Dang. It sucked. It really sucked. And I was frustrated because I felt I’d done ALL THE THINGS to make it go, and it just didn’t. I was also disappointed in the fact that my body wasn’t able to do something that is was created to do.
That was sometimes hard to swallow, and that’s when the shame crept in. There in the later days when I was “doing it all” again – nursing, pumping, formula feeding, repeat – it dawned on me that I was missing out on just enjoying her being little because I was so caught up in trying to make breastfeeding work. Not worth it.
breastmilk and/or formula – either is “best”
My perspective is that if you are willing and able, you should absolutely give breastfeeding a shot. And that’s being said after two fairly short-lived breastfeeding experiences. It is worth the effort and benefits, in my opinion, for however long you can breastfeed.
It’s not earth-shattering news that breastmilk is “the best” for infants. I whole-heartedly agree with that statement – breastmilk production is designed to nourish and provide exactly what that specific child needs, at that specific moment in time. You can’t replicate that with formula. You just can’t.
The thing I don’t agree with about that statement is that everyone’s definition of “best” probably varies quite a bit, and there are two beings that each need to play a vital role in the breastfeeding experience in order for it to work successfully. And the reality is, it has to be “best” for mom and the whole family unit, too.
Willing and able
I’ll reiterate – if you are willing and able, it’s worth it to give breastfeeding a try. BUT, if you aren’t willing (for whatever reason) or able, formula is an excellent alternative. Be confident in your decision, have a great support system behind you, and FEED YOUR BABY.
What a privilege it is that we live in a country where we have options for nourishing our children. What a privilege it is that we have infant formula readily available, and at a reasonable cost, every day. How lucky are we to be able to feed our babies however we feel is “best”. I am so thankful for the scientists and nutritionists who are busting their butts tirelessly to figure out how to make formula “the best” for our children and for us!
Pros of Baby Formula
Baby formula has so many awesome benefits. The greatest one we’ve noticed is the release of pressure on Mom to be the sole provider for baby. It is so relieving knowing that anyone else can feed my baby if needed. My husband can help wash bottles, we know exactly how many calories the baby is getting in a 24 hour period, and we can grab a bottle and formula and head out the door and we are “prepared” for our outing.
Pros of Breastfeeding
It is nice to not have to worry about packing those items when you are breastfeeding. But I feel like I just traded that for spending gobs of time planning my outfit that was “breastfeeding friendly”, making sure I had a cover-up packed, and walking through the outing in my head trying to pre-plan how and when I’d breastfeed or pump while out and about. I know, I know, I was probably way over-thinking it all, but you do still have to consider those types of things.
When we switched to formula, I could actually leave my baby and not think twice about doing a feeding quick before I leave, or packing up my pump to take with me, and a cooler, etc. In a lot of ways, formula feeding is just plain simpler. That is unless you are 110% committed to having baby with you literally 24/7 for quite a while, then you don’t really have to worry about pumping and all that it entails.
breastmilk vs formula, in summary
Here’s the thing I’ve learned about breastfeeding – it works and it’s really kind of effortless for some women. It just happens for them and it goes and that is awesome! I’m seriously so proud of you all because I’m now keenly aware of everything you do to make that happen for your baby and family. That was not the case for me with either child.
And in this day and age where we have an alternative that’s just as good as breastmilk (aside from the immunity-building properties, etc.), why are we still debating and shaming each other for the choices we make in nourishing our babes? I’m not allowing room for the shame and guilt anymore, and I don’t think you should either. FEED YOUR BABY and let’s move on.
Side Note: If you haven’t learned much about the science behind breastmilk and how the female body evolves and adjusts for breastfeeding, I’d strongly encourage you to listen to a podcast (we enjoyed this one, and they even have this one on bottle-feeding!) or read up on it somewhere. It is seriously so fascinating!
I’m happy to report that we’ve successfully raised our babies on both breastmilk and formula! And guess what, we’re all doing just dandy. Yay!
How about you? What was your experience like feeding your babes? Do you prefer breastfeeding or formula feeding? Did you face any struggles with either one? Leave a note in the comments, I’d love to connect with you!
To the Chaos!
-MG
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