So you’ve given birth to your precious baby. Congratulations! Labor may or may not have been easy breezy, but you did it and now you get to share your child with the rest of the world for the first time.
You’re tired. No, you are exhausted. You’re emotional. You are likely in physical pain from labor and delivery. You are swollen. Your boobs ache. You need a shower. You are stressed out. You are overwhelmed. You cry because you don’t know what else to do at this moment. You have every emotion running through your mind thanks to raging hormones that got you through labor and delivery. You are amazing.
You are happy. You are proud. You enjoy the attention of everyone visiting and meeting the baby. You scarf down all the delicious meals family and friends bring over. Your smile never fades. You can’t take your eyes off this beautiful masterpiece you’ve created. You also can’t take your eyes off your baby and your partner bonding and learning about each other. It is bliss.
But, it is also hard.
It is hard to move. It is hard to go to the bathroom. It is hard to think beyond five minutes ago. It is hard to keep up with every feeding. Every diaper change. Every blowout. Every spit-up. Every cry that you can’t translate quick enough. And don’t you dare forget to record every single activity your two-day-old baby does in your app.
It is hard to get comfortable. It is hard to breastfeed. It is hard to sleep. It is hard to change a diaper without nudging that fugly belly-button nub. It is hard to give a slippery newborn a bath. It is hard to deal with the crying. It is hard to hold a baby for hours. It is hard to pump. It is hard not to cry or show too much of how you’re really feeling. It is hard to balance attention between two kiddos. It is hard to leave the safe space of a hospital. It is hard to wait for jaundice levels to go down. It is hard to fathom leaving the house. It is hard to get out of the house.
It is hard to think positive thoughts when there is so much room for error when you’re doing something for the first time – like keep a human alive. It’s hard to change a baby’s clothes five times a day. It is hard to wash bottles 18 times a day. It is hard to be everything for this little person. It is hard to strap a baby into a car-seat just tight enough. It is hard not to think about what others are thinking of you at this super vulnerable time. It is hard not to worry. It is hard to be lonely. It is hard to deal with darkness and night-time.
It is hard to remember that you are a wife, and a daughter, and a grand-daughter, and a sister, and an aunt…that these people need you. But right now, you really need them more. It is hard to think about others who are hurting or may need just a bit of you for a moment. It is hard to recall who you are as a woman. As an individual person. It is hard to think about going back to work. It is hard to think about not going back to work. It is hard to grieve your marriage sans children. It is hard to be anxious a lot of the time. It is hard to overcome postpartum depression. It is hard to deal with the pressure to get it right – don’t mess anything up.
IT. IS. HARD.
In case you haven’t gathered it by now, the 100 Days of Darkness refers to the post-partum timeframe, 100 days after the birth of a baby. The “darkness” refers to a less-than-stellar mood or feeling that permeates the air for Mom, and oftentimes, everyone in the family.
These 100 days after your baby is born may be some of the most challenging days of your life. I can say they have been for us, twice now. With our first-born, it was on day 97 (not even kidding) that we happened upon an article describing our life to a tee… the stress, the exhaustion, the overwhelm, the exhaustion, the worry, the emotion, the exhaustion. As it turns out, we weren’t the only ones trudging through the 100 Days of Darkness. It is real, and it is a bitch.
The good news is, once you’ve survived the first 100 days (more or less) of your child’s existence, the fog clears and day by day, things start to get better. They’ll never go back to how you remember them (or how you envision them), but you’ll find a new normal and life will be tolerable again.
It will seem like those 100 days lasted for.ev.er. and then one day, maybe on day 321, you’ll look back and think of how quickly that time went. It will seem like all those trials and tribulations were so long ago and not so tough after all. And that’s when your sweet, optimistic, little Mama Brain starts kicking in – to the tune of, “Hey, I think we should have another baby! What do you say?” And your husband will look at you like you’ve lost your freaking mind. For some reason, they seem to recall the shit-storm a lot clearer. 🙂
My tips for survival? Give yourself and your partner grace. Be kind to one another. Even in the really challenging times, remember that it is just a bad moment or day, not a bad life. Remember that you are together because you’re a good team, and you love one another immensely. Be patient (if possible). Choose your battles wisely… now is probably not the time to try to train your husband on getting dirty clothes in the hamper. And try to find a bit of humor in each day. Smile because you have been blessed with a child in your life. And give each other lots of space and lots of hugs. You both will need it.
Really spot on! BUT, never had the “grace” to feel anything but the joy, excitement, etc. that was expected from me and others of my generation. And…I might add all the responsibilities of being a new parent, again my generation. Really, all and all I think I came out ok, but I know others who struggled because they too had three babies in a little over three years. Unfortunate no talk of post partum depression, WHAT, why would you not get right back at it and feel all the joy! Now I don’t want to sound snarky, because I was overjoyed and fortunately, did not suffer from PPD. Exhaustion, yes, crying, yes! So happy that NOW, there is help and it’s ok to have all the feelings that are normal, especially with all those hormones! Didn’t know about them either! 😜. Thanks Mac for your good and well placed words!
Thanks for reading and your perspective, Aunt Elaine!
This is 100% accurate! The first 100 days were rough. Breastfeeding was so hard, I was crying for no reason, and I was so, so tired! It’s so nice to hear that I wasn’t alone! Thanks for sharing!
Ugh. I just don’t think the reality is discussed openly enough, therefore new parents face false expectations of what life is really going to be like. It’s not all sunshine and roses! Glad you enjoyed the read.
I wish there were blogs like this when I had my kids! You.are.awesome.